A Few Days To Go...

it's so hard to believe that, in about an hour at this time on sunday night, i'll be leaving chicago-midway airport, headed towards nashville. i remember when i got the dates from one of the corporate mercy staff ladies, and she said i'd be in nashville on march 8th. it seems like it was only yesterday that i thought, "how am i going to get through the next 30 days?" and here it is, march 4TH, and it doesn't even seem possible.

i've started packing the things i don't need before sunday, since i'll be at my mom and dad's tomorrow night and friday night. i won't be home saturday, most of the day, and i won't be home at ALL on sunday. i'm leaving early in the morning on sunday to go to church with karrie and brett, and leaving for the airport from my mom and dad's after family dinner. my friend laura is meeting whoever is bringing me to the airport. that hasn't been decided yet. i know karrie is bringing me, but i don't know if my mom is coming with us. i would assume she is, but you know what happens when you assume... :D

i'm scared and excited. scared to get rid of and walk away from my past. it has been the one CONSTANT thing in my life; it has always been there when i've needed it and it has been consistent. it has kept me safe and kept me alive. i'm scared to see who i am without my protective layers on and without the weight of my past; who i am without the identity of anorexic, bulimic, "hopeless case", cutter, alcoholic, slut, whore, promiscuous bitch, prostitute and everything else i've been called and labeled as over the years. those labels came from both professionals and those NOT in the medical/psychiatric field. but i'm also excited to see who i am without the weight of the past constantly making me fall down. excited to see what God has in store for me. excited to see what He has planned.

thank you for keeping me in your prayers. they are greatly appreciated. seriously. and if you could keep me in your prayers next week while i'm at mercy, as well, that would be really awesome! the work i'm going to do is not going to be easy, but it has to be done if i want to put everything behind me and walk in the freedom God says i deserve and am entitled to.